By Funmi Adeyemi, Lifestyle & Relationships Columnist
First dates are supposed to be fun—new energy, fresh conversation, and maybe the start of something beautiful. But sometimes, the biggest warning signs aren’t in bad manners or late arrivals. They’re hidden in the casual things people say. Words reveal more than chemistry, and if you listen closely, you’ll catch the red flags early.
9 Red Flags to Watch Out For
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“All my exes were crazy.” One difficult ex is normal. A long list of “crazy” exes? That’s a pattern—and patterns repeat. It often signals a lack of self-reflection.
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“All men are the same.” It may sound like a joke, but it’s usually rooted in bitterness. Generalising an entire gender means you’re being viewed through the lens of past disappointments.
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“I need constant reassurance.” Everyone needs reassurance sometimes, but constant validation is emotionally draining. You’re a partner, not a life-support system.
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“I’m still friends with all my exes.” One or two friendships might be fine. But all of them? That often signals unresolved feelings waiting to resurface.
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“I get bored easily.” This suggests chasing emotional highs rather than building deep connections. Long-term relationships aren’t fireworks every day.
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“I don’t really like other women; I prefer male friendships.” This can signal insecurity or internalised misogyny. Pay attention to how she talks about women not in the room—it reveals a lot.
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“I’m a very jealous person, but it’s because I care.” Jealousy framed as love is often a cover for control issues. Over time, it can turn into checking phones or questioning friendships.
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“I don’t really apologise… even when I’m wrong.” That’s pride and defensiveness. Relationships need accountability. If someone can’t imagine being wrong, conflict will never resolve.
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“I just need someone who won’t leave.” It sounds vulnerable, but it often signals fear of abandonment. This can lead to dependency and unhealthy dynamics.
The Bigger Picture
First dates aren’t just about sparks—they’re about listening. Jokes often carry truth, and repeated statements reveal deeper patterns. Pay attention to the words chosen; they often tell you more than chemistry ever will.
In Nigerian dating culture, where gist and banter dominate first encounters, it’s easy to laugh off these comments. But beneath the humour, they can be signs of emotional baggage, control issues, or incompatibility. The real flex is knowing when to walk away early, before you get too invested.